40 – And now?

Tiziano Terzani, 40 years ago

This blog, the way I conceived, it finish here. One by one, I have already broken all the rules I set up, only the last one is standing, periodicity. So far I committed to publish every Monday and Thursday, but this is the last time I deliver. It does not mean this is my last post, though.

On one hand it’s arrived the moment I predicted, but surely not wished. After first enthusiasm, nobody comment my articles, nobody gives me feed back, and I wonder why should I keep publishing. Not only I couldn’t gain new readers, but someone already dropped out. It’s clear my post were not interesting enough and I can only take notice of it.

There is another reason, to me even more important, that lead me to end this adventure, or better continuing in a very different way. The initial formula, regardless of his numeric results, is not working for me anymore. I have realized writing every 3 days, reflecting deeply as I would like, on many topics, even with all the spare time I have now, it’s a very tough task. Moreover I’m going to be on the road again soon, and many energies will be diverted to adapt to a new country and a new language, a hard one too like Japan, and to my travels blog.

Especially for someone like me, who has lost his habit of writing every day, I can’t pretend to stay in front of a keyboard and in a couple of hours, or half day at worst, have clear and deep ideas, put them in a good form and translate in English accurately. To be honest, I am far from being exhausted or bored of what I am doing now, but I can’t envision myself keep doing it for eight more months. And I am too eager not to waste the opportunity to make it finish my “40 years old” blog on my “40th post”.

But the spirit that make this blog started is alive and kicking. This space was created as a laboratory where I reflect on my unusual life of a 40 years old man who on one hand feels unbelievably lucky, to have been through so many experiences that a percentage of 79 between 97 of world population (the spread vary with the rating agency you use) can only dream about it. On the other hand I also feel like a dumb nerd, still looking for his place in the world, while most of the people my age are dealing with carriers and children and I have even less confidence than when as a 20 years old I applied to Philosophy at University, to find answers to my existential doubts.

Insomma, al momento non sono né carne né pesce, ma nemmeno un vegetetariano. Per cercare di prendere due piccioni con una fava, finisco per non combinare una fava, come un vero piccio(ne). Tanto va la gatta al lardo che ci lascia lo zampino. Non ci sono più le mezze stagioni, e chi più ne ha più ne metta. Chi ha orecchi per intendere, intenda. E gli altri, come direbbe Groucho Marx, in roulotte. (There is no propter translation for this sorry)

This place was born also because after dedicating most of my life on writing, when I lost my community manager job with Cazzetta dello Sport, the disappointment was so big I didn’t want to have nothing to do with it for almost three years. But suddenly I felt a spark of passion again. This spark has grown into a feeble flame and it’s warming me up, even if something is definitely still lacking, before this will transform in red-hot burning fire, that doesn’t need me to keep blowing into it to stay alive.

I had a validation of my perception last night, while I was rereading Tiziano Terzani, someone who had a big role on reawakening and making me living consciously my passion for travels, being them meant as a spiritual research or the ceaseless vagabonding around the world, driven by curiosity of learn and tell stories. Terzani was also decisive in made me loosing interest to journalism as a profession, even if while I was just started, he walked away after realizing any career dream, like me as an AC Milan fan.

While going over again to his book “In Asia”, especially his stories about Japan, deeply esteeming his prose work, so precise, rich in details and quotes, result of exhaustive researches, but at the same time creative, flowing and fascinating, last night I came into the conclusion that losing that job was a blessing in disguise. Not only because I could test me in new fields, but particularly because I wanted to become a journalist to writing stories, but I was trapped, like almost anyone who exercise this profession today, in a system of compromises of which I couldn’t see a way out. Among editing jobs, pressing publishing times, censorship and envy of colleagues, I stopped evolving professionally many years before losing my job.

Now chances are high nobody will ever pay me again to write or searching for news. But I won back my complete freedom. Freedom to write when, where, for who and how much I like it. And if it stands true that have someone who commission your work and readers are necessary conditions to escape a narcissistic solipsism, internet give me the possibility to offer my works to anyone, while hoping one day some real people will ask me to write, apart the voice of my consciousness.

So I will write less articles here, without a regular frequency and number them anymore, but I will dedicating more time to writing in the next months. That’s why my first committment will be, starting tomorrow, to stay in front of a computer, with internet cut off, at least 33′ straight minutes for the next 33 days. Hopefully my friend Mr Tits will accept my “3 challenge”, if not I will invest something else to keep rolling.