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36 – Such a shame

10 February, 2012

Last Monday I saw an intriguing movie, one of that flick that touch you deeply, because tackle uncomfortable subjects, issues that are more common that what we admit, and so it make you think about it. The film I saw is “Shame”, and I’m still trying to figure out what touched me so deeply about it.

Luckily in fact I am not a sex addict like Brandon, the main character (a great performance by Michael Fassbender, who received an award as best actor at last Venice Film Festival), nor so affectively fragile as his sister Sissy (Carey Mulligan). But like them, and many of (maybe the major part) people in my generation, I can’t keep a relationship.

Like we don’t know in the movie the reasons lead Brendon being unable of intimacy, I can’t say why I have never been able to keep a tie with someone longer than few months. I fell in love seriously (or maybe just obsessively) few times, I didn’t lack chances, nor I didn’t try it.

In my case also it’s not just a matter of couple relationship, nor being unable of intimacy (on contrary I believe one of the biggest reason people tend to keep me to a safety distance, and at the same time I get quickly bored with the relationship is because I enter too easily in private spaces people enshrine), but of relations in general, since with friendship and relatives I always struggled a lot.

Putting apart my personal case, I believe this condition of solitude is not just a mirror of contemporary society, but probably inborn more than we want to concede. Human is a social animal, like Aristotle said, but he is not made for longterm relationships. Anywhere in the world where divorce is legal, there are far more people alone than committed.

And of course statistics don’t count marriage of interests, when one can’t stand another or just ignore each other, but share the same roof because they can’t survive, because of their sons, or just because they are too afraid to be lonely. As the Brandon colleague says in the movie “it takes a lot of committment to stay in a relationship”, and the truth is, in the society we live today it’s often more convenient being a single.

Brandon and his sister Sissy in the movie are in the opposite extremes of the spectrum, but I suspect the origin of their problem is the same. To say men has need to satisfy their sexual impulse with whoever they can, while women are more prone to find frequently someone who make feel they are loved it’s generally true, but it is also a simplistic view. Man and woman tend to be in a relationship, sexual or emotional, in the egotic illusion someone else can fill their voids.

It make me remind a Osho talk, when he describe the majority of people as a C, because incomplete in their personal development, that look for another C to match and jam. For a while it works, but sooner or later they start taking away each other vital space and the relation fell into oppressive. Instead if the two persons are like O’s, already able to stand alone, their union is like the symbol of infinite, and infinite is potentially their interaction.

For one of this not casual case of synchronicity, two days before I was invited to watch the movie, I heard about it during one of my rare moments of tv zapping, when I saw Rocco Siffredi in a talk with Linus, the host of Radio Deejay. It was the first time I saw Rocco Siffredi (that tells a lot of my consumption of pornography I guess) and I was impressed. He is charming, intelligent, funny. In one word well endowed.

Brandon look a succesful person too: a good job, a nice apartment in Manhattan, good-looking, attractive, apparently unhibited. For once reality is brighter than fiction though: while in the film Brandon is lonely victim of his shame, Rocco not only had been able to turn his “thirty centimetres of artistic dimension” into a source of big money and popularity, but he also found a woman who loves him and accepted him with his addiction. And the impression I got is of a really happy person, despite his pathologic condition.

The title I choosed for this post is “such a shame”, because I feel really ashamed of how I wrote it. Every paragraph I introduced a different topic without developing it. Surely the subject was really tricky at least, and just trying to face it is a little accomplishment. But I am not looking for excuses; it’s not the subject, it’s my way of writing. For every 5 minutes I try to think about it, I spend 3 hours wasting my time on something else. This pathologic condition goes under the name of “procrastination” and I commit to talk about it soon. Not in this post though..

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  1. it’s definitely a valid explanation, although it doesn’t tell the whole story.

    Thing is, I believe I should look for my soul twin on

    Or maybe is better

    Or perhaps

    • Better CO, in my opinion 🙂

      • Probably. In Como there are very nice girls, but also in Pescara you can find gems.
        MX is trickyer because the characteristic payload information of an MX record is the fully qualified domain name of a mail host and a preference value

    • But my experience with MX was the best

      • I had no doubt about it, being you a hard ass server admin.
        Wikipedia makes a good point about it: Why have priority?

  2. God bless wikipedia!

  3. I saw yesterday SHAME, and I feel SHAME for the money I spent to watch that movie…
    There was no story, the characters are undefined, everything is slow and distressing…… que pena!!

    • Daniele, I’m sorry your personal challenge is over. Even if you have failed so many times, you should keep writing, I believe. I’m also sorry you didn’t like the movie. Maybe you had a bad day or movie is not your thing 🙂

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